Thursday, December 23, 2010

Playing Dead

A lot of people harbor some confusion when it comes to appropriate times to play dead, so I've compiled a short list of times when I find that playing dead is the best option.

1. When you are being ignored.
- Nobody can ignore a dead body.  Unless your friends and family are the Mob.
2. When you owe somebody money.
- Why should you have to pay up after a lost best?  Who are you really doing any favors by paying your bills on time?  Borrowed money?  I.O.U? Pfffffft.  Being out of debt is for schmucks.  Just ask Obama.
3. When you are asked to judge a "which bullet hurts worst" contest.
-Let's be honest.  This one does not need an explanation.
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Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Moving

So, I'm moving to Asheville.  I use the term "moving" loosely, it's really more like temporarily relocating since this is only a 4 month deal.

Temporarily relocating is a hassle.  Mainly the finding a place to live part.  This is what I'm looking for:
1bed/1bath apartment in or near downtown, (preferably north or west), fully furnished with a mountain view to die for.  I don't think this is asking too much, especially considering I'm an unemployed college student with no money of my own.  But when you add a budget of $650 per month to these parameters, the only thing a search turns up is a basement studio with no windows, no internet or cable, and three roommates who enjoy composting, playing new-age instruments, and twirling their dreadlocks between their fingers.

This is one of the places I found for considerably under budget:

Uhhh...WTF

This is my favorite part:  People with allergies shouldn't even bother. Due to the age of the house, lack of insulation, and the fact that there is a spring under the house, we have a thriving indoor ecosystem complete with slugs, spiders, mold, and other weird things that aren't good for the faint of heart. There aren't any roaches though, and kitty takes care of mice and rats inside.
......................
The alarming part about this is that I'm sure certain people consider a living environment like that to be appealing.  I don't think I'm being picky.
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Thursday, December 02, 2010

Anxious

So, on the heels of my good news from Asheville, I've just been thinking about all the things I'm excited for that are coming up.

 

1. My last semester in Tallahassee

2. My first Christmas with Mike

3. Mike's first trip to Italy

4. Mike meeting my dad

5. Moving to Asheville

6. Starting my internship with the Magazine

7. GRADUATING 

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Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Pity Party

The pity party is over.
I got my internship at a Magazine in Asheville and couldn't be more excited. =)
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Faith

I have one day of class left this semester.  I was thinking about it, and really it's the last class I'll ever attend on FSU's campus.  Next semester I am taking 100% online classes and then, POW, graduation.  Pretty excited about that.
I was at a tailgate for the FSU/UF game this weekend and my mom introduced me to a woman named "Dot."  Her daughter dates a boy who is also in the creative writing program, and she wanted to know if I knew him, because clearly in a school of over 40,000, I must know every single kid in the major.  I don't.  I told her I wasn't familiar with him, and she seemed shocked and dismayed.  I, however, was not.  I'd met Dot at this same tailgate a few games earlier.  She'd asked me the same question and I'd provided the same answer.  I can't really be upset about this.  I don't remember a lot of people that I stumble across.
I didn't get upset until she asked me what I wanted to do once I graduated.  For a moment I didn't answer.  I was distracted by her inch thick makeup and meticulously styled bob.  Oh, Dot.
Now, I think Dot is a friend of one of our close family friends, so I'll try to keep my judgments to myself.
It really just bothers me when people have preconceived notions.  So since I'm about to be a college graduate, I ought to have a 5 year plan from which I should never detour? My mistake.  I thought it was perfectly acceptable to wander aimlessly through my youth.  How dare I not have a clue what I want to be when I "grow up."
I was honest with Dot.  I told her I didn't have a clue, that I might want to go to grad school, and that I ultimately wanted to write a book one day.  Yea, it even sounded lame when I said it out loud.
She stood there with a look that I can only interpret as disgust.

A look similar to this one.
Clearly her daughter, while younger, is far more successful and shows infinitely more potential than I do.  I could see it on her face.  I remember when my mom used to talk about me the same way.
And then I found myself coming up with excuses, almost apologetically, as if this woman's approval mattered somehow.
On a related note, my teacher, who is so liberal it makes me want to vomit, went off on another tangent today how any woman who hopes for a husband and family should write herself off as a failure.
Don't really have a reason for the mood of this post.  I just think I need to complain sometimes, maybe a lot of times.  It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.
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Thursday, November 25, 2010

happy thanksgiving

This post is not about Thanksgiving, giving thanks, or thankfulness in any way, shape, or form.
This post is about FATNESS.
I was thinking about it today, how fat I'm getting.  On this occasion, I justified it with, "oh, well it's the holidays...everyone eats more.  Plus it's winter so I'm not wearing skimpy clothes. I can hide my fat rolls under all of my layers."  This satisfied me for a few moments until my memory became too sharp for my own good.
Every season, spring, summer, fall and winter, I come up with SOME excuse to make myself feel better about my weight gain.
Spring: Oh, I'm just still retaining weight from my winter body.  It's cool.  I don't have to prance around in daisy dukes and tank tops for a few more months.
Summer:  Now that school is out I'm drinking more, but it's okay, so is everyone else.  And at least I'm not wasting any of my precious time at the gym.  Working out is for SCHMUCKS!
Fall:  School is back in session so I'm just busy getting my schedule together.  WAY too busy to eat right or exercise.  Obviously my 12 hour course load, half of which is online, is much too time consuming to dedicate any time to being healthy.
Winter: It's the holidays.  The end.  I'm eating a midnight cookie AS I TYPE.
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Monday, November 22, 2010

Too much

Apparently my computer decided that it has had enough.  It officially told me that I have too much CRAP saved on my computer and that it would cease to function if I didn't delete/relocate some files.  So today since my Mama is in town for Thanksgiving, we went and bought an external hard drive with Daddy's credit card. =) THANKS DADDY.  Also, (sorry for anyone who reads this blog for interesting/moderately humerous/sarcastic entries.  This is not one of those)

MY EPIPHANIE "LOLA" CAMERA BAG CAME IN AND I'M OBSESSED.  Another THANKS DADDY.  This was an early Christmas present for my trip to Italy.  I'm sure some of you will remember my earlier posts about it.

Any female photographer who wants a stylish and practical camera bag, you MUST buy one of these.  They aren't too pricy, either, so if you're shopping on a budget, just bite the bullet and GET ONE!  Here are some pictures.  The interior has adjustable velcro dividers and I'm still in the process of deciding how exactly to organize.  Almost as fun as when I organized my Filofax! hahahaha.


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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Visiting New Orleans

Back from a fabulous weekend in New Orleans.

Here are a few of my fave memories:

Nacho Mama's had THE most delicious fake Mexican food EVER.

having crazy randoms jump into our pictures

window shopping and site seeing in the French Quarter

Trying on weird ear warmers

Getting Daiquiris on Decatur

The view from our hotel room! 

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Doctors Offices

I recently had to go to the doctor.  Nothing major.  They just needed to run some tests to determine why I have such a high IQ.  You know how it is.

Anyway, while I was there I was reminded how much I loathe waiting rooms.  I get my impatience from my mother, and let me tell you, sometimes it can be pretty nasty.

Waiting rooms are awful for a few reasons:

ONE: I always wait way past my scheduled appointment time.  I don't care how urgent or trivial my medical concerns are.  They are never running on time for me.  Of course, the lady whose appointment was 45 minutes AFTER mine gets called back before I do, and I sit there twiddling my thumbs and gnawing on the inside of my cheek for another hour.  I think even if I was about to give birth in the middle of their floor, they'd still find a reason for me to wait a little bit longer.

And if I even DARE to approach the demon-woman behind the counter, all she does is chew her gum at me and say they'll be with me ASAP...which equates to WHENEVER THIS LAVA FLOW TURNS TO SOLID ROCK.

TWO: Everyone stares.  Seriously.  Even if there's only one other person in the room, he or she is ALWAYS staring at me.  I'm generally always a little self conscious, so naturally I start wondering why this person is trying to burn a whole in my forehead with their eyes.  Am I bleeding from my ears?  Has one of my limbs spontaneously disconnected from my body and I haven't noticed?  Why are you unable to avert your eyes?
I know that's why they have magazines in waiting rooms.  They know people have issues with staring so they put the magazines there to occupy the eyes.  They aren't there to curb boredom or entertain you with proof that CELEBRITIES ARE JUST LIKE US.

I do it too, though.  I'm a starer.  I stare at everyone.  I watch people come in, check in at the counter, and I love to watch as they glance awkwardly around to try to decide which seat is next to the person who is least likely to give them Tuberculosis, which brings me to my next reason:
THREE: The main reason I stare is because I spend the majority of my overly long wait at the doctor's office trying to decide which one of these strangers is contagious and what airborne hazard I am unknowingly breathing.  If anyone even THINKS about sitting right next to me, I bestow upon them the nastiest of all nasty looks.  I've even gotten up and moved before.  SORRY if I don't want to sit next to you while you cough up your innards.

FOUR: They tease you! I finally hear some chipper young RN call my name.  YES! I'M FINALLY OUT OF THIS FORSAKEN ROOM! LOL J/K.  She measures how tall I am, because I'm 21 and clearly might have grown since my last appointment 6 months ago.  Then she weighs me, because let's be honest, everyone's self-esteem needs to be deflated daily.  She takes my blood pressure, and asks me an array of questions, most of which are embarrassing.  WOO for sharing time.  Then she escorts me back to the pit of despair from whence I came, only to sit for another excruciatingly long period of time.

FIVE:  I have to pay for this experience.  It's like they hand crafted me a rainbow or something.  Of course I want to pay a stranger to stick foreign objects into my hoo ha.  Here, let me give you a tip, too.  You did, after all, tell me that I need to floss more regularly.  Who doesn't deserve 7 figures a year for that?  Really, I ought to be billing the doctor for my wasted time.  I could be out rescuing beached whales or discovering the cure to restless leg syndrome or something equally profound.
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Thursday, November 04, 2010

Rough


Funny thing, laughter is. 

Russell lips curled downward.  Frown smiling.  He only showed teeth with the heartiest of chuckles, that booming kind of laugh that passed over the air like a commercial jet.  He had soft wrinkles at the corners of his mouth, little individual smiles like bookends for his lips.  At his eyes, too.  Brown eyes.  A brown that was deep and fickle, sometimes green looking, always dark, never harsh.

Mattie stared at Russell’s words as he filled out the personal card to accompany the flowers.  She read each word to herself as he wrote it, feeling the way her tongue grazed her front teeth with every ‘t’ that he crossed, lusting for the emotion he put into all of the sentences, wishing for it to be different.

He finished the note, put it in the tiny matching envelope and sealed it. 

Russell bought flowers for Ada every morning from Mattie’s shop, Boutique del Fiore.  Every morning for the past year.  Always in the morning on his way to work.  Always in the morning on his way to work because Mattie’s shop was right next to his office building.  He picked them up in the afternoon on his way home.  Russell and Mattie were not in love anymore.  Because of Ada.  Russell wanted to be in love with Mattie again.

“I’ll never be able to forget her.  I’ll never be able to move on or go back to the way it was before she happened,” Mattie told Russell.

“I want to be able to make you happy,” he said.

“Happiness doesn’t mean the same thing, anymore.  Why don’t you buy the flowers from somewhere else?”

Before Ada, Mattie started almost every sentence with laughter.  It was all funny, everything in the whole world.  Her laughter was the first thing Russell noticed, like it was magnetic.  He was drawn to it.  He found her in the bookstore, laughing out loud to a story in Jesus’ Son. 

“He told him to talk into his bullet hole,” she grinned with teeth that were just the right size for her mouth.  “It’s weird.  I wonder why they sell this book in English.  Out of all the books they could sell in English, this is one of them.”

They met in Italy.   Two Americans in the same small town at the same small bookstore made Mattie laugh.

“Must be destiny, huh?”

“If you believe in it,” he said.

“Sometimes I do.  Like when I decide to talk to strangers.  Or how I sometimes believe in ghosts because it makes the settling sounds of my apartment more interesting.  Only sometimes.  Because sometimes it scares me so I have to believe it’s not ghosts and just the sound of settling.”

It was a slow process, them falling in love.

“It’s impossible,” she said one time, “to love unconditionally.”

“What do you mean? I love you unconditionally.  You can’t tell me I don’t.”

“So if I tied you to a metal post, doused you with gasoline and set you on fire, you’d still love me as you slowly and painfully burned to death?”

“Are you going to do that?”

“If you did that to me, I feel like that’d be a condition under which I’d stop loving you.” She swirled the water in her glass around, poking at the ice cubes with her straw and wondering if sea gulls ever worry about drowning.

“I’d never do that.”

“Maybe I’ve just never been deep enough in love.  Maybe it’s all just been me trying too hard to believe in fairytales.”

“You can make your own fairytale, can’t you?”

“But if you set me on fire I don’t think I’d die loving you.”

That night, they’d laugh about her different sized breasts, her out of control hair, her inability to make decisions, and how they hoped their daughter wouldn’t be a thing like either of them.

“It’s funny how entire things can just go away,” she said to Russell the day after Ada happened.  “All the feeling can just vanish, the meaning just fade, and at the same time, despair can seem so profound and encompassing.  What else is there, now?  What have I done?”

“It’s not your fault,” he tried to reason.

“You don’t get it.”  She cried in his arms for weeks.

“Help me.” He’d cry with her.

And when she finally stopped crying, she just wasn’t there anymore.

“It’s possible.  To love unconditionally.  Ada taught me how,” she told Russell that morning at the flower shop a year later.

“Do you want to come with me this afternoon?  We can take the flowers together.”
“I need to let her go,” she whispered.

It was sunny when they got to the cemetery and parked the car.  It was the cold type of sunshine.  Mattie’s favorite.  She thought Ada might enjoy picking flowers in the cold type of sunshine.

Ada’s little stone marker looked as new as the day it was put there.  The baby birch tree they’d planted nearby was much bigger than Mattie remembered.  It was taller than Ada would have been by then.  Russell picked yesterday’s flowers up off the ground and handed Mattie the newly made bouquet of daisies.  She held them to her chest for a moment before placing them on the ground next to her daughter’s grave.
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Wednesday, November 03, 2010

37/365


I just like to play dress up.
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Tuesday, November 02, 2010

36/365

Project 365 (Read: Project Take Lots of Self Portraits and Post Them at My Leisure So That This Lasts More Like 500 Days) is still going strong!

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Tilt Shift Fake

Aiken Fair.

Mike and I were briefly at the Aiken fair over the weekend. I didn't get too many shots, but I'm hoping to get to the North Florida Fair while it's in Tally this week.  I don't trust the rides and the food is expensive, but when you get a great picture, it's worth the stupid $6 dollar admission fee.

Here are some shots from last year's fair: 

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Monday, November 01, 2010

Camera Purse

So, remember when I blogged about how excited I was for my camera purse?  Well, I ended up not getting that one.  Instead, Mommy came through and we decided to get the Lola bag by Epiphanie.  I didn't get it in red. I got it in turquoise. =)



I'm obsessed.
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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Just wanted to share

Bella and Buffalo are FAMOUS!!!

THEY MADE THE ELLEN SHOW!
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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Rescue Me

Phi Mu "Rescue Me" social with ATΩ.  I was the Coast Guard.
Megan the nurse

Tori the convict

And officer Taylor

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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Photoshoot Round 2

Had another shooting spree around Tallahassee today with my beautiful Phi Mu ladies.

Where we went:
Kleman Plaza,
The Tallahassee Capitol Building,
The Tallahassee Train Station,
Southwood,
and Maclay Gardens

Some of my faves of Dani: (although there are too many to really be able to pick)







Some of my faves of Tori:









Some of my faves of Megan:








And some of my fave group shots:






Our family line, but Taylor should be between me and Megan.

If you want to see all 500 and some of the pictures we took today, check out my Flickr.

Oh, and this one. I wish the tree wasn't in the background because you can hardly tell they're throwing leaves in the air, but this picture makes me feel like it's not 100 degrees in Florida and like it's almost November. lol

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