Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What to expect when you go to the dog park

I take Bella to the dog park frequently enough to know what to expect.

  • There is always that one guy who brings his toy poodle into the big dog pen.  At Tom Brown Park where Bella and I go, there is a small dog pen and a big dog pen.  They are divided for a reason, but there is always a dog owner who thinks their precious little Gretchen can hold her own with the German Shepherd and Pit Bulls.  This is never the case.  Maybe for about 5 or 10 minutes little Gretchen can dart under a chair in time to avoid her head getting bitten off, but her luck never lasts much longer.  I'm sorry, but your dog just looks too much like a squirrel.  The yelps of terrorized yorkies and weiner dogs can be heard all the way at the Tee for hole number one of the frisby golf course.  Gretchen just needs to stay in the little dog pen.
  • There is always the Pit Bull with balls dangling down at its ankles.  Just cut those suckers off, already!!
  • There are always two dogs with the same name.  Bailey is a common bitch name, along with Sadie and Bella.  The boys are always Rex or Scout or Max.
  • There's always the dog that wants to hide between its owners ankles, despite the contious pleadings like, "go play with the other doggies!"  The owner always looks around embarrassed, laughs nervously, and then tries to walk to a chair while Maggie stays underfoot the entire time.  Take your stupid dog home.
  • There is always the owner that thinks all of the other dogs have a personal vendetta against his.  No, they are not all ganging up on Rover.  Sorry there are other dogs here that want to rough house with your precious mutt.  "Hey! Watch your dog, buddy!  He's trying to start a fight!"  No, he's not.  Now put away your taser and let them play.
  • There's always the dog that tries to sneak out the gate and go home with the wrong owner.  This is usually Bella.  A) because she's retarded and B) she loves field trips.
  • There's always the dog that finds the mud puddle in the corner and runs around getting everyone else dirty.  This is usually Bella, too.  It's like she has a mud radar.  And she doesn't just run through it.  She wallows in it.  She smacks it up with her paw and tries to catch it in her mouth.  She rolls around  and buries her muzzle in it.  After she thinks she's done a good job coating her entire body, she books it back to where all the people are sitting and shakes.  Then she starts wrestling with all the dogs and I sit there, pretending to be upset that this wild chid is getting my dog messy, trying to ignore the comments like, "oh great, now princess is going to have to have a bath when we get home."
this isn't at the dog park but it proves my point about the mud
  • There is always a owner that is desperate to play fetch with a dog that would just rather nap.  Sorry your dog is a lazy ass.
  • And there is always an owner that gets confused and brings their horse to the dog park.  Like today this guy brought Baby Girl, his appropriately named Great Dane, to the park.  Of course this dog was beautiful, but I really think he ought to have taken her to a ranch instead of Tom Brown.
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