Friday, August 20, 2010

Whopper of an About Me

After much deliberation and debate amongst myself, and also after some inspiration from Emmy in Progress, I’ve decided to bore you all with an incredibly elaborate and prying post about who I am!

Brace yourself for the most serious post I ever have and probably ever will publish, 
And please leave your judgment at the door.

I believe that a kind word has the power to change a life.  I believe in myself most days and on the days that I don’t, I believe in my ability to turn things around.  I believe in using sarcasm on a daily basis and that straight answers are rarely to be given.  I believe in the happiness that seeing an old friend brings and in the healing ability of slow, sappy, love songs. 

I think I have a lot to look forward to.  Sometimes I think I’m lame and sometimes I think I’m awesome.  Some days I think I’m impossible to love and some days I think I’m too emotional, too moody, and too fat.  Other days I think I’m beautiful and wouldn’t change a thing.

I want to be happy forever and I want to do whatever it takes to make that possible.  I don’t always know what that is but I have faith that whatever happens, happens for a reason.  I want to make the people around me happy, too.  I want to be a role model.  I want to be envied for my personality, not for my possessions.  I want to rely more on myself and less on others.  I want to keep in touch with the people who are important to me.

I love my life…most days.  I love eating breakfast at two in the afternoon and the way Tallahassee smells after a late summer storm.  I love my parents and my best friends.  I love having one man in my life that I can dedicate my heart to.  I love Bella and the way she loves me back.  I love getting new perfume and the way clean sheets feel on freshly shaved legs.  I love drinking too much wine and eating too much cheese.  I love being smart and witty.  I love being so close to being able to call myself a college graduate. 

I hope that my philosophies pay off one day.  I hope our country gets smarter by the next election.  I hope my children love me.  I hope I make the right decisions even though I know I sometimes don’t.  I hope my wrong decisions lead me somewhere better than I expected.  I hope my family knows how much I appreciate them.  I hope I never take a passing smile for granted and I hope that I get better at saying goodbye.  I hope I never have to say goodbye too soon. 

I don’t believe that life is completely random.  I don’t believe in abortion even though I used to think I had to.  I don’t believe in second-guessing gut feelings.  I don’t believe in walking really far when you can drive.  I don’t believe you can ever have too many clothes.  I don’t believe in homophobia.  I don’t believe in forcing your opinions onto others.  I don’t believe you can ever have too much cheese.  Ever.

I feel fat right now because I haven’t been to the gym since April.  I feel like I should apply myself more.  I feel the need to reorganize my bedroom and to take a car-load of things to Goodwill.  I feel empty when I’m uninspired and I feel like I will never be a successful writer.  Sometimes I feel like all of my dreams are pipedreams and sometimes I feel like I could rule the world.  I feel like I ought to be better at multitasking.  I feel like some of the most beautiful things are also some of the most underrated.

I need to be reminded sometimes.  I need reciprocation.  Sometimes I need space to breath but sometimes I need to be wrapped up in a hug so tight I think you’ll never let go.  I need my camera, my cell phone, and my laptop no matter how pathetic it makes me feel to be so technologically dependent.  I need pedicures and manicures and I always need a massage but I also need to spend my money on other things.

I fear the uncertainty of the future and I fear that I waste too much time trying to delay the inevitable, whatever it might be.  I fear that I won’t be prepared to make it on my own when the time comes.  I fear that I’ll never reach my full potential and I fear that I’ll be okay with that.  I fear that I’m going to lose people along the way to where I’m going.  I fear that I’ll die and nobody will miss me.  I fear that I dwell too much on the past and I fear that I regret too many of my choices.

I hate people who think they are more important than I am.  I hate people with a gross sense of entitlement.  I hate people who have opinions simply for the sake of having an opinion.  I hate onions unless they are fried.  I hate meatloaf and stuffing, too.  I hate that I don’t like to cook.  I hate that I constantly compare myself to others.  I hate that life is a competition and I’m not competitive.



I hate that I don’t know who exactly I want to be.

Greatest Triumph?  When a teacher in my department who I loved and respected told me my submission was the best thing she’d read in a long time…and subsequently getting the only A in the class on the assignment. (Scoff if you must…I’m an average college student at best with the exception of my writing classes when I actually apply myself.)

Greatest Regret?  Although it may seem trivial, I wish I hadn’t blown off a nice guy for a less nice guy simply because of the Greek letters he wore.  I don’t like looking back and seeing how shallow I was, how overwhelmed I was with status in the Greek system, and how I hurt someone’s feelings in the process of eventually getting my own feelings hurt.  In retrospect, I'm grateful for the way making such a huge mistake has changed me and put me in the exact spot I'm in now.  I also regret not listening to more of what my mom had to say.  (I’d pay to see the look on my mom’s face as she reads that…HA.)

Greatest Lesson? Well, to put it simply:

 
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2 comments

  1. Favorites:
    "I want to be envied for my personality, not for my possessions."
    "I don’t believe you can ever have too much cheese. Ever."

    "I hate that I constantly compare myself to others. I hate that life is a competition and I’m not competitive." >> I feel the same way!

    ReplyDelete
  2. " I hate that I don't know who exactly I want to be."
    I still feel like that at 50. But I can tell you this: even if you don't know....those who love you already do....You're Anna. quite simply: young, beautiful, creative, funny and unique all the way.You're a very special young woman who is obviously blossoming with each and every experience you have.
    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

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