Thursday, October 14, 2010

Why I Shouldn't Eat Mexican

Mexican is by far my favorite food genre.  I don’t know whether it’s the tequila or the queso, but I ALWAYS crave Mexican, especially the kind that singes my taste buds and makes my eyes water.  I’m even a VIP member at La Fiesta.  I get sweet text message coupons like 99 cent tacos, dollar margaritas, and FREE 10 more pounds I don’t need on Mondays and Tuesdays. 


1. I always eat WAY TOO MANY chips and salsa.  And I don’t mean I enjoy a few warm, crunchy bites over casual conversation and then complain about being full because I don’t want people to judge me for being a fat ass.  I mean I hunch over the table and basically shovel food into my mouth.  I always ask for more salsa.  First of all, I know I can eat one or two mini bowls on my own, and second, I’m an unashamed double-dipper and I know that freaks out certain germaphobic, high maintenance, bubble-dwellers.

2. I never eat chips without ordering queso, too.  There’s something about that cheesy, creamy goodness that I can’t say no to.   I NEED IT.  My Mexican experience feels incomplete if I don’t get any.  And I’ll share with you but will secretly hate you a little more every time you dip a chip in my bowl.  WHY DON’T YOU JUST GET YOUR OWN.

3. I always order the same thing.  I either get a ground beef and cheese quesadilla or a taco salad.  I never deviate.  Okay, sometimes when I feel like I’m not following my ten step program to obesity I’ll order TWO quesadillas. 

4. It’s like Mexican food shuts off my stomach’s “full” guage as soon as my brain lets it know that’s what’s for dinner.  I could seriously singlehandedly eat La Fiesta into bankruptcy in one sitting.  I almost feel obligated to warn them before I come.  BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES, LOCK UP THE QUESO, HIDE THE TEQUILA.

5. I love margaritas.  I used to hate tequila.  Maybe because I used to think you had to drink it with worms.  Then I discovered Margaritas and my life changed.  First of all, it’s so fun to say, especially when you channel your inner Jose.  MARRRGARITAAAAAS AYE AYE AYE.  Second, they’re dirt cheap.  Probably because they’re about as healthy as dirt, if even.  Third, they come in different flavors and sizes and colors and they’re about the only drink that is basically it’s own species…margaritas are basically people so I feel some sort of divine, inebriated connected to them.  Ok, that might be a stretch. 
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