Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Faith

I have one day of class left this semester.  I was thinking about it, and really it's the last class I'll ever attend on FSU's campus.  Next semester I am taking 100% online classes and then, POW, graduation.  Pretty excited about that.
I was at a tailgate for the FSU/UF game this weekend and my mom introduced me to a woman named "Dot."  Her daughter dates a boy who is also in the creative writing program, and she wanted to know if I knew him, because clearly in a school of over 40,000, I must know every single kid in the major.  I don't.  I told her I wasn't familiar with him, and she seemed shocked and dismayed.  I, however, was not.  I'd met Dot at this same tailgate a few games earlier.  She'd asked me the same question and I'd provided the same answer.  I can't really be upset about this.  I don't remember a lot of people that I stumble across.
I didn't get upset until she asked me what I wanted to do once I graduated.  For a moment I didn't answer.  I was distracted by her inch thick makeup and meticulously styled bob.  Oh, Dot.
Now, I think Dot is a friend of one of our close family friends, so I'll try to keep my judgments to myself.
It really just bothers me when people have preconceived notions.  So since I'm about to be a college graduate, I ought to have a 5 year plan from which I should never detour? My mistake.  I thought it was perfectly acceptable to wander aimlessly through my youth.  How dare I not have a clue what I want to be when I "grow up."
I was honest with Dot.  I told her I didn't have a clue, that I might want to go to grad school, and that I ultimately wanted to write a book one day.  Yea, it even sounded lame when I said it out loud.
She stood there with a look that I can only interpret as disgust.

A look similar to this one.
Clearly her daughter, while younger, is far more successful and shows infinitely more potential than I do.  I could see it on her face.  I remember when my mom used to talk about me the same way.
And then I found myself coming up with excuses, almost apologetically, as if this woman's approval mattered somehow.
On a related note, my teacher, who is so liberal it makes me want to vomit, went off on another tangent today how any woman who hopes for a husband and family should write herself off as a failure.
Don't really have a reason for the mood of this post.  I just think I need to complain sometimes, maybe a lot of times.  It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.
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