Daily Buffalo ▲

Monday, February 28



I know it's not really a "daily" thing. Let's be honest. She might be cute, but posting a daily pic of my cat would kind of be over kill.  Today I'm featuring a few crappy cell phone pictures of Buffalo laying on things that are not made to be laid on.

Phone Book (11/4/10)
School Books (11/30/10)
Another school book (11/29/10)
Pizza box (2/28/11)...and yes, that's my sweet 9 month anniversary card that I got Mike. Apparently he loves it so much he thinks on the floor in the corner is the best place to keep it. Lol
Under a box lid.(12/10/10)

I love this silly little kitty.

Le Boy came to town =) ▲

Sunday, February 27



So Mike came into town early and surprised me on Friday afternoon because he's COOL like that. We went to dinner with his mom that night, and then Saturday we went exploring on the Biltmore estate.

We did wine tasting at Antler Hill and then we got to pet some farm animals

Then we drank some more vino at a street side wine bar downtown...
Then we watched the sunset from Sky Bar. 

Mike left to go back to SC and I'm in serious pout mode right now. I'm watching 80s love movies and wallowing in self pity.


Two things I want in my children ▲

Friday, February 25




I know I’m much more like my mother than I realize, which leads me to believe that my kids will be more like me than is healthy. I mean there are worse people for my kids to be like. I don’t think I’m THAT bad, but the thought of having mini-me’s running around wreaking havoc is sort of terrifying some times. Then there’s the whole prospect of actually have to raise something other than a furball. 

But, I don't think these things are too much to ask for:

1. I hope at least one of my children aspires to be an evil villain, maybe along the lines of Megamind, but preferably with a more reasonably sized head.

2. I hope one of my kids is a thumb-wrestling prodigy. Or maybe a cup stacking prodigy. Let's be honest. Those kids are SO popular at school.




Visiting Lake Lure ▲

Wednesday, February 23



He randomly sends me sweet text messages like this:

"Did I tell you how incredibly happy you make me?"

Anywho, today Mike's mom and I drove out to explore Lake Lure.


Before/After photoshop

Tuesdays are my least fave day ▲

Tuesday, February 22



Mike is talking about going back to school and finishing his degree and it makes me happy for him. =)

This is us on Mike's fake graduation/Christmas 2010.

Today I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. Bad mistake.

Anyway, for one of my classes we had to discuss whether or not the news media is having a negative or positive influence on the American public.  Many of the answers people gave berated the media for either being too left wing or too right wing and manipulating the news in their favor.  I think it's hogwash.


 I think if you're stupid enough to gobble up every word the news reports, than you're stupid enough to deserve it. Does that make sense? If you're going to watch the news, then please be educated enough to understand that there's no such thing as objective reporting and that forming your own opinion is a requisite if you're going to watch the news in the first place.

One girl even went so far as to accuse certain branches of military service of targeting minorities and brainwashing America's youth into joining. That made me angry. But whatever. Everyone is allowed their own opinion, even if it's wrong.

The main gripe I had was with a girl who was moaning about how the news is just too negative and that people are just going to see America as a horrible place because of what we broadcast. 

She also said, "then the radio for instance will show how immature American society could be. There are radio personalities that make Americans look ignorant and ultimately like idiots. For instance this morning I was listening to the radio and for about five minutes they were making fun of Asians by using a horrible Asian accent. I was offended and I am not even Asian. They didn’t even take into account that there could be hundreds of Asian listeners. Comments like this make Americans look pretentious." Right, and I'm sure you've never made any sort of derogatory joke in your entire life, have you? You're the pretentious one. Take it for what it is...a joke.

 Ahhhh, how I hate that! SO WHAT if someone got offended? This is what I responded, "The news is the news. If you want feel good stories, go buy a Chicken Soup for the Soul book...and sure, the world would be delightful if everyone respected everyone, everything we ever said was politically correct, and nobody ever got offended...but let's face it.  We live on Earth, not Utopia."

40/365 ▲

Monday, February 21



Oh, just some more shots of myself. Woo.

I wish my remote control was camouflage.
Took these near Weaverville. 

Ok - I've officially decided.  When I'm not eating chocolate and cheese or drinking wine, I'm going to start eating healthy. I need to drop some major poundage before Aiken's steeplechase at the end of March so that I can look cute in my dress and not like a whale parading around in espadrilles.

And a horse, too ▲




This handsome fellow couldn't get enough of my charm and good looks and stayed close, simultaneously eye-ballin' my goodies and gnawin' on some grassy noms while I was doing my photoshoot today in Weaverville. I tried to have an educated conversation with him but all he wanted to do was make faces.

Jerk.

This haws was at Biltmore the other day.

Blind ▲

Sunday, February 20



So, last night in a fit of rage, I took out my contacts and flushed them down the toilet.

We were going to sleep after a long day of laying around being counter productive so I figured waiting until the morning to put in a new pair wouldn't be a big deal.

This morning when I woke up to cook breakfast I went to get them out of my toiletries bag and HOLY MOLY...no extra pair to be found. It's kind of amazing how blind I am without my contacts.  I still made breakfast, but browning sausage, frying bacon, and putting together an improvised breakfast casserole is no easy feat when you're operating with 20/800 vision.

So after Mike watched a few episodes of Futurama and I listened, I decided that my vision situation needed to be remedied.  I thought I might buy one of those cheap/tacky pairs of reading glasses from Target or Wal Mart, but shockingly enough they didn't have what I need.

Then we went to the mall to see if Sears had an optical center because that's usually where I get my contacts. They didn't. I called Lenscrafters to see if they could give me some of those sample contacts and THEY CAN'T without a valid prescription, and guess what?  Mine's expired. They treat contact lenses like narcotics.  I don't get it.  So I'm sitting here, about an inch away from my laptop screen, trying my best to battle an oncoming migraine and figuring out how in the world I'm going to drive 3 hours home in the morning with the eyesight of a grandma.

Best Day Ever ▲

Saturday, February 19



So, ever since my forgotten battery episode last weekend, I've been itching to do a photoshoot with hottie pants and today we finally did it. We moved Mike's extra mattress out into the yard, set up a make shift sheet tent, and then took some pictchaaas. Boyfriend is soooo patient. =)

After we took some pictures, we got samwiches and fruit and had a picnic in our little fort.  Then we just laid around all afternoon making fun of each other.  It was awesome. 
Then we moved the fort inside, made dinner, and now we're watching the original Friday the 13th.  Happy Saturday. =)

Visiting the Grove Park Inn ▲



Mike's mom and I did a little exploring around Grove Park Inn last week.

The Vatican ▲



Mike went to run an errand or something that he said would take an hour. It's been almost 3 hours.  So I photoshopped the heck out of this picture of the Vatican from our trip in December.

Spotted ▲

Friday, February 18



This pretty little thang has been seen around the neighborhood a few times.  I can hear my mom now, "NO MORE ANIMALS!"

I have this problem where I get SOOO annoyed at really lame things. These things shouldn’t garner any sort of reaction, but I literally have to stop, take a few deep breaths, and collect myself so that I don’t start breaking stuff.

Here’s my top 5 list of STUPID annoying stuff that happens to me all the time.

1. Burning myself on my hair straightener or curling iron. I mean, I straighten my hair on a pretty regular basis, so you’d think I’d have the technique down.  Wrong.

2. Losing something I JUST had in my hand. There’s only so many places it could have gotten, but it’s like everything I own is actually a ninja robot, and if I set it down for a millisecond, when I go to pick it back up, it’s gone.

3. When it takes me 5 tries to pick something up.  I do this bobbing up and down routine and this…sock or pen or whatever it is consistently eludes my fingertips.

4. Carrying my laundry without a laundry basket.  I’m doing fine, and then I drop an unruly pair of panties or something and have to stop to pick it up.  It’s like a circus act. I successfully subdue the panties but in the process lose a sock or t-shirt. The vicious cycle ensues.

5. Forgetting my passwords. Like seriously.  I use like the same 3 passwords or some variation of them for EVERYTHING.  There you go cyber stalkers.  Now you know. But every once in a while, if I sign up for something when I’m feeling randy, I’ll use something new. I usually click the “remember me” option, so I don’t have to worry about it.  But every once in a while, the log-in-rememberer Gods decide to mess with me, and they don’t automatically log me in. It’s like the worst part of my day if that happens.

Online Dating ▲

Thursday, February 17



"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale."

What's that you say?  Valentines Day is over so therefore all vomit inducing declarations of love must be stifled until next February the 14th?  Well I say, YOU'RE WRONG! Today is mine and the mister's 9 monthiversary! It might turn out that this post is more appropriate for our 1 year anniversary but I'm impatient and want to talk about him NOW.

P.S. I wrote and scheduled this post ahead of time...how fancy am I?

I don't think I've ever really written a post about Mike.  Or me and Mike.  Or me and Mike and Bella and Buffalo.  I mean all in one post.  How we came to be such a precious little "family."  So this is our story up until now. And trust me, if you are planning on reading this thing, pop some popcorn, put on your jammies, and get comfy.  It's going to be a long one.


Things are about to get REAL, and what I'm about to say might SHOCK a few of my friends, but it's going to come out eventually, so WHY NOT NOW?

Mike and I met...(drumroll)...online!


I know what you're thinking.  Why would a slammin' hottie like Mike need to go online to find a woman? All I know is I'm thankful we were both on the same website at the same time and that I didn't turn out to be a con artist like he originally thought I was. He says I was too pretty to be real.  Cue "Awwwwwww" of jealousy. I know.  He's the best.

When I signed up for an account on Match.com (for reasons I will not admit to the masses), I didn't tell anyone.  And when Mike and I met in person after a month of e-mails, texts, and phone calls, I lied about him.  I told everyone, including my mother, that we met in Myrtle Beach during spring break because it was the first excuse I could think of.  I wasn't ready to admit what I thought was embarrassing and hypocritical on my part. But Mike never lied to his friends or family about it, which kind of made me feel ridiculous. I don't want to be ashamed about it. So what? We didn't meet like most regular people.  But then again, there's not really anything regular about us. ;)

So, now that it's out in the open - and hopefully my friends don't hate me for lying about it - the show must go on!

I know I talk about Mike occasionally, specifically about testing his tolerance threshold.  He's super awesome and blog content-worthy.  Plus he's kind of ridiculously good looking.  Really really ridiculously good looking. 


Anyway, Mike is 29 and I'm 22 (ok I'm only 21 but that's going to change in April).  He totally wasn't going to date me because he thought I was too young. Boy would THAT have been a mistake.

We've been doing the long distance relationship (LDR) thing for almost a year now, and I can't begin to explain how excited I am to not have to do that anymore. It hasn't been as problematic as many people say LDR's can be.  Maintaining a strong relationship has been easy.  I trust him, and aside from any silly and easily overcome jealousies, we haven't encountered any issues because of the distance.

Obviously being separated for longer periods of time is frustrating. There are times when I really want him to only be a few feet away so that I can jump on him or deliberately tickle his face with my hair because I know he LOVES that but instead he's hours away. For the first 7 months, he was in Aiken, SC while I was in Tallahassee, FL.  That's 6 hours.  Now that I'm in Asheville, it's only 3 hours and I see him pretty much every weekend.  That's a delightful upgrade, especially considering the babies live with him now, too.

Mike has basically adopted Bella.  She loves him.

Anyway, month 1 was really exciting. It was the first relationship where I've ever really felt butterflies like all the time, and they've never left.  Half of that first weekend I probably wasn't even listening to what he was saying because I was too caught up thinking about how AWESOME he was.  Like...seriously.  He made me laugh, didn't seem to mind that I'm not the most talkative human on the planet, he was smart and articulate, and that SMILE of his...(are you running for the hills, yet?)

It's safe to say I was dancing on air the entire week after he left, and even though I was incredibly busy (21st birthday, trip to San Diego), I couldn't wait for round 2.  I texted him while I was in California pretty much demanding that he come see me again when I got home.  And he did. =)

This is our first picture together. =) 

On May 17 after a weekend of camping and 2 months after we started talking, we were officially a couple. He asked me to be his girlfriend, y'all!

The summer of 2010 was one of the best summers EVARR.  I developed a hot tan, spent tons of time all up in Mike's life, and had a blast getting to know this incredible man.  And he tolerated me.  Oooooh how he tolerated me.  All of me. I'm not usually very vocal about anything, let alone my feelings.  I'd rather listen to others gush about their romances than talk about mine. My friends have sort of had a tough time believing that Mike could be "the one."  And I don't blame them. I've never been perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be.


Moving right along, summer ended and school began.  We were separated a lot more often, seeing each other about every other weekend for only a couple of days. He came down to see me a lot, and I went up there when I could.  Tallahassee just always has something going on, I found it hard to get away.  And Mike's the one with a full time job and bills to pay. Weird.

It was the weekend of FSU's first football game that Mike and I got a kitten.  I'd wanted to name our kitten Buffalo, but had never really considered it might be a girl and it might look nothing like a Buffalo.


I was (and still am) IN LOVE with baby cat.  She and Bella are ridiculously spoiled.  I don't think I could love my animals any more than I already do, and now that I'm living in a house that doesn't allow pets, they live with Mike.  Sometimes I think they love him more than they love me. He is so good to them, even though he doesn't feed Bella from the table, which she and I both think is an ATROCITY. 

But this post is about me and Mike.

I have never in my life felt as connected to anyone as I do to him. I love his kind heart, and how he kicks butt and takes names all day at work, and then comes home and treats me like a princess, lets Buffalo love all over him, never misses an opportunity to crack me up. We like the same things (with the exception of Futurama =P), have the same sense of humor, and I really just feel like he understands me in all of my quirkiness. It takes an inconceivable amount of patience to put up with me. I just love how much he loves me, and sometimes it scares me how much in love with him I am.  But I guess that's what it's about. It's indescribable. 

This is one of my favorite quotes: "And everyone says 'this love will change you.' Well I ask, isn’t that what love’s supposed to do?" because I think if anything applies, this does.

39/365 ▲

Wednesday, February 16



Gallavanting in the woods near Weaverville 


Visiting the Blue Ridge Parkway ▲




So yesterday a fellow intern and I decided to do a short drive along the Blue Ridge Parkway. Not being from the area, I wasn’t entirely sure where to get on the pkway, but that was easily remedied. There’s an entrance only a few miles from my house it turns out.

I’d read in an old issue of WNC Magazine that you can see the Biltmore from milepost 395 without paying the HIGH ($40) admission price to the estate. So naturally I was like AWESOME!  Let’s go!  We actually got on somewhere around MP 391, so MP 395 was only a few miles south.  We drove for about a half-mile and then BOOM – road closed.

Somewhere near MP 385.  The sky in this pic originally looked like the sky in the pic below.

The thing about the BRP in the winter is that segments of the road are prone to sporadic and inexplicable closures. I guess the park rangers develop a serious God complex and/or desire to ruin my afternoon.  So we turned around.  Guess my photo-op will have to wait for another day.  I really wasn’t too bummed.  Shockingly, Weather.com’s forecast was INCORRECT and the predicted sunny, clear skies had quickly turned into gray and overcast, leaving little to no color in most of my landscape photographs.  BLEH.  

See what I mean about the sky? Ew.

North we drove.  The visitor center is at MP 382, so I decided to go there and see if there was a book or map or magical list of beautiful photo-ops.  On the way, we braved switchback roads and tested Wanda the Honda CR-V’s brakes. I kept seeing cars pulled off to the side of the road and felt like I was being left out of some amazing secret. I kept stopping to see what I was missing, but usually came to the conclusion that these people were in fact fans of the wilderness and not just “shot seekers.”  The section on the road we were on was at a relatively low elevation so I didn’t get to experience any awesome overlooks or mountainscapes, but after photoshopping the hell out of some pretty boring photos, I got some decent results.

I’ll test out the BRP another day.  There are tons of things I still want to take pictures of.

Visiting the Blue Ridge Parkway ▲

Tuesday, February 15




Took a short drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway today.

Why Me? ▲




My life is hard

So yesterday, hot on the heels of my quiz fiasco last Friday, I had to take an essay test online.  Like I said, the internet at 12 West was malfunctioning.  Broken internet is about number 11 on my top 10 list of crap that annoys me.  Donny the house God texted me on Sunday saying it was fixed, but yesterday I must have been channeling my “trust no one” state of mind, so I decided not to chance it and to instead take my test at Barnes and Noble where the internet always works.


 Big mistake. 

I got to B&N, set up camp at a table across from a man with some serious B.O. issues, and started my pre-test cram sesh. I was feeling confident so I decided to start my test.

I powered through the first three questions.  I had long, thoughtful answers.  I hit all the points.  In your FACE Sociology of Mass Media! Can’t trip this girl up! I decided to save my answers, just in case.  Thankfully Blackboard offers this feature.  You can save the answers without submitting them.  Then I wrote up one more answer, and decided to save that one, too.

I clicked save, and then the test-taking apocalypse started.  I stared at the blank white screen for what felt like a combination of eternity and forever.  YOU’VE GOT TO BE EFFING KIDDING ME.  Then I read “Connection time out.” I don’t even know what that means.  How does a connection time out?  How can I run out of time for a connection?  It’s the freaking internet.  It is always there, it doesn’t have an expiration date, so why does my connection have an expiration date?  SCREW YOU, INTERNET CONNECTION DECIDER, who I only assume is Tom.


 I don’t know how to accurately describe my emotions.  I got out my phone (weird, my phone’s 3G is more dependable than B&N’s and my house’s internet COMBINED) and emailed my test proctor.

While I waited for her to respond, I went back into the testing center and hoped that I’d be able to get back into the test. I managed to access it, and the questions were the same, just reordered.  I started re-writing the ones I’d already done, trying my best to remember everything. 

Then my phone went off.  The proctor had responded! WEEE!! She reset the test for me and copied the answers that had been saved (only the 1st 3) and told me to copy and paste them into the browser and finish the test.  So I wrote up the last three essays and opened up Google in a new window to make sure the internet was still CONNECTING.  It was.  I went back to the test window, and then BAM – it’s gone.

Oh, cool.  I didn’t know Firefox had a hide and seek feature.  WHY MEEEEE!!?!?!?!?!

I felt tears of rage forming in my eyes.  All of a sudden I wanted to sucker punch the smelly guy across from me.  Did he know I was judging his hygiene?  Did he have some sort of “in” with the computer lords? Was he doing this on purpose? He was probably operating under the assumption that this photo is accurate:


 Then I realized I’d just somehow minimized the window, because apparently taking online tests turns me into a computer novice, when I am in fact quite the opposite. I maximized it, submitted the test, and then got the heck out of dodge.  TALK TO YOU NEVER, BARNES AND NOBLE!

The Grammys ▲

Monday, February 14



So I'm not a huge rap fan...and by not a huge fan I mean I kind of wish I could abolish rap into the deepest depths of hell.  But for some reason Eminem has always been an exception to that.  I love Eminem. I don't have a valid explanation, but for some reason I just want to be his friend and listen to his music 24/7. Mike hates Eminem.  Possibly one of three things we don't agree on.

Side note, and really the ultimate reason I am posting right now, Mike just texted me the sweetest thing ever, so in the spirit of Valentines day I'm going to share:

"I love you so much I would give up Starbursts for you."

<3 That's my man.

Bummed ▲

Sunday, February 13



I had grand plans of taking a cute photoshoot (to rival all other cute photoshoots) with Mike today, but I left my camera battery in Asheville.  Yea, I forgot to pack something.  What a weird concept. I never forget anything.  I don't leave wallets in hotel rooms in Germany, phone chargers in different states, nothing like that ever happens to me.

So anyway, I decided to scour Aiken county for a store that might sell a battery for my D40.  I called Chris' Camera in downtown first, and to my horror, they're closed on Sundays.  Oh well.  Sabbath.  Whatever.  Then I called Sears' electronics department. They don't sell them in store but they can order them.  Well, that's just perfect considering I want it NOW NOW NOW.

Then I called Target.  "We don't sell camera batteries."

Then I called Wal-Mart.  The first time I called it rang for about half a decade and then made a really loud high pitched noise so I hung up.  I called back, not wanting the phone demon to get the best of me.

"Wal-Mart.  How may I direct your call?"
-"May I speak with the electronics department?"
"Hold on."

"Hello?"
-"Hi, can you tell me if you sell batteries for the Nikon D40?"
"I don't know, we have a lot of batteries."
-"You can't look it up in the computer or something?"
"No, I mean you'll have to come in to the store and actually shop." Then he laughed this really disgusting nerdy chuckle that I can only equate to Steve Carrell's character in Dinner for Schmucks.
-"Then what's the point of having a phone?'
"Uhhh, I dunno."
-"Is there someone else I can talk to?"
"Well, I guess I could transfer you to one hour photo."
-"Okay, thanks." I guess the thought of working for his money was the most gut wrenching thought he'd been saddled with since this morning when he decided whether to wear his Che Guevara shirt or his I'm not anti-social, I just hate you shirt.

He probably just wanted to get off work to go hang out with his girlfriend.


(5 minutes later)

"Hello?"
-"Hi, can you tell me if you sell Nikon D40 batteries?"
"Wait, didn't you just call here?"
OH MY GOODNESS, DID THEY HIRE YOU DIRECTLY FROM THE RETARDS TO RETAIL PROGRAM OR SOMETHING?  Trying to cage my rapidly building frustration, I said:
-"Yea, you were going to transfer me to the photo department..."
"Oh.  Let me try again."

---

"Fitting Rooms."
-"Fitting rooms?  Are you kidding me? Can you transfer me to the photo department please?"

---

"One hour photo, how can I help you?"
-"Hi, do you know if you sell batteries for the Nikon D40?"
"The what?"
-"Nikon D40."
"Thatta cameruh?"
-"Yes ma'am."
"Ok, ho'd on, I'mma go check."

(5 more minutes)

"Who you on ho'd fo'?"
-"Um, a lady was supposed to be checking on a battery for me?"
"A who?"
-"She was going to check if you have Nikon D40 batteries?"
"A what?"
Then in the background I hear the first lady yelling, "We ain't got them!"


Thanks, Wal-Mart, for all you do to aggravate me and waste my time.

Disgruntled and on the verge of stealing Mike's shotgun and heading over to WalMart to introduce myself to a few key employees, I got back online and continued to search for a store.

Radio Shack.  A large chain like radio shack would have batteries, right?  I mean, if I owned a radio shack, I'd have batteries for the D40.  So I called.

"WelcometoRadioShackinAMallwherewetalkreallyfastbecauseweknowyou'realreadypissedoff WHAT UP?"
-"What? Is this Radio Shack?"
"I think so."
OKAY COOL, SO THE ONLY PEOPLE ANSWERING PHONES TODAY ARE RECRUITS FOR THE A-HOLE OF THE CENTURY CLUB.  NEATO!
-"Ha. Ha. Okay.  Do you guys sell batteries for the Nikon D40?"
"Eh, not really.  You'd be better checking Battrieseshshfshs."
-"Battery Source?"
"Noooooo, BATTERIES PLUS."
-"Oh ok, thank you." YOU'RE LUCKY I CAN'T DROP KICK YOU IN THE CROTCH THROUGH THIS PHONE.

So I found the number for Batteries Plus.
After it rang endlessly into the next millennium, I Googled it and turns out it's closed on Sunday.

That's great. So the only two stores closed on Sundays are the only two stores in the world that I actually want to go to on a Sunday.

Today blows.

Babygirl ▲




I just really love this pic of Bella.  Dec 26th 2010 was the first time she saw snow! 

Public Bathrooms ▲

Saturday, February 12



are annoying for many reasons.

First of all, I only ever seem to be in a public bathroom during a movie, generally at the best part/climax, but that medium diet coke - which is actually big enough to sustain a small country for the better part of a year - has finally made its way through my system and I can't delay the explosion of my bladder for any longer.

So when I'm in a public bathroom, I'm already frustrated to begin with.  Then comes the task of picking which stall to use.  I'm generally a "somewhere in the middle" stall user, the first few stalls are too convenient, last few stalls are too far to walk, so I pick one that's directly under a light (peeing in the dark is THE WORST) and in the middle of the row.  My first choice is never the one I end up using.  The one I want to use is either covered in a strangers excrement, overflowing with toilet paper and brown water, or so creepy looking that not even a homeless person would touch it.  So I pick the unlocked stall next to it, only to be bombarded with name-calling and an embarrassing run-in with a woman who doesn't believe in locking the door.  HOW DARE I ASSUME THAT IF IT'S UNLOCKED, I CAN USE IT.


When I finally find a vacant and acceptably sanitary stall, I take care of my business, all the while peeking through those awfully designed cracks in the walls, hoping nobody awkwardly makes eye contact with me on their way to a stall, keeping my fingers crossed for toilet paper, and then flush.  Now, if it's a regular flusher, this step can go off without a hitch.  But nowadays, the flushers are all automatic motion sensor FAILURES, so they've either gone off while I'm still sitting down or they don't go off at all. Once I figure out how to flush (because going to bathroom has basically turned in to rocket science), I proceed to the sinks to wash my hands. 

I hate public sinks for a number of reasons. They're either:

A) Water at antarctic temperatures
B) Automatic (and I hate automatic things)
C) That stupid kind of faucet where you have to push down on the button with one hand, do some finger aerobics under the water to get the other hand wet, soap it up, rinse it off, and then switch hands because life needs to be as inconvenient as possible.  Heaven forbid a public bathroom feature a regular, hot & cold, adjustable, two-knob faucet. That's just way too elementary.


So then I need to dry my hands, and usually there's not even paper towels.  If there are paper towels, they're locked up in some automatic dispenser, and you need a 7 digit code to get them out.  I wave my hand over the sensor multiple times, dripping wet and generating stares. Wait, so you mean nothing works the way it's supposed to?  Shocking.  I usually resort to flapping my hands around like a maniac to get them dry, because even if there's hand dryer, nobody has an extra 30 minutes to stand around waiting for those things to do their job.

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