Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Why Me?


My life is hard

So yesterday, hot on the heels of my quiz fiasco last Friday, I had to take an essay test online.  Like I said, the internet at 12 West was malfunctioning.  Broken internet is about number 11 on my top 10 list of crap that annoys me.  Donny the house God texted me on Sunday saying it was fixed, but yesterday I must have been channeling my “trust no one” state of mind, so I decided not to chance it and to instead take my test at Barnes and Noble where the internet always works.


 Big mistake. 

I got to B&N, set up camp at a table across from a man with some serious B.O. issues, and started my pre-test cram sesh. I was feeling confident so I decided to start my test.

I powered through the first three questions.  I had long, thoughtful answers.  I hit all the points.  In your FACE Sociology of Mass Media! Can’t trip this girl up! I decided to save my answers, just in case.  Thankfully Blackboard offers this feature.  You can save the answers without submitting them.  Then I wrote up one more answer, and decided to save that one, too.

I clicked save, and then the test-taking apocalypse started.  I stared at the blank white screen for what felt like a combination of eternity and forever.  YOU’VE GOT TO BE EFFING KIDDING ME.  Then I read “Connection time out.” I don’t even know what that means.  How does a connection time out?  How can I run out of time for a connection?  It’s the freaking internet.  It is always there, it doesn’t have an expiration date, so why does my connection have an expiration date?  SCREW YOU, INTERNET CONNECTION DECIDER, who I only assume is Tom.


 I don’t know how to accurately describe my emotions.  I got out my phone (weird, my phone’s 3G is more dependable than B&N’s and my house’s internet COMBINED) and emailed my test proctor.

While I waited for her to respond, I went back into the testing center and hoped that I’d be able to get back into the test. I managed to access it, and the questions were the same, just reordered.  I started re-writing the ones I’d already done, trying my best to remember everything. 

Then my phone went off.  The proctor had responded! WEEE!! She reset the test for me and copied the answers that had been saved (only the 1st 3) and told me to copy and paste them into the browser and finish the test.  So I wrote up the last three essays and opened up Google in a new window to make sure the internet was still CONNECTING.  It was.  I went back to the test window, and then BAM – it’s gone.

Oh, cool.  I didn’t know Firefox had a hide and seek feature.  WHY MEEEEE!!?!?!?!?!

I felt tears of rage forming in my eyes.  All of a sudden I wanted to sucker punch the smelly guy across from me.  Did he know I was judging his hygiene?  Did he have some sort of “in” with the computer lords? Was he doing this on purpose? He was probably operating under the assumption that this photo is accurate:


 Then I realized I’d just somehow minimized the window, because apparently taking online tests turns me into a computer novice, when I am in fact quite the opposite. I maximized it, submitted the test, and then got the heck out of dodge.  TALK TO YOU NEVER, BARNES AND NOBLE!
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