Wednesday, August 03, 2011

49/365

Yes. This is the same shirt as my date night post. I think it's pretty.


If you don't want to read me whining, then stop reading. Lol

It's been a long week already. I used to want to be a writer...and sometimes I think I still do. I've always been told I'm a good one - and English was always my best subject. I was a creative writing major, after all. But ever since I really began blogging, I've felt this very discouraging pang in my gut. I've never had a very competitive spirit. I wanted to play sports for the fun of playing a sport, not to be the best or win every game. If a boyfriend flirted with another girl, I didn't waste time trying to win him over. I never wanted to have to compete for his attention. I never felt the desire to be the center of attention, the most popular, etc. I wanted to be well liked and that was enough. I feel like I'm missing some sort of gene...that drive to win more, do more, be more...to work hard for what I want.

But I'm getting off track. I don't think I ever really understood how competitive the writing industry is. I spend so much time reading blogs written by intelligent women with pure talent. They're funny. They're bright. And they write so dang well! I don't see how I could ever compare, let alone land a book deal over one of them. They seem like they actually have something to say, while I don't.

I feel like I've been throwing myself pity parties a little too frequently. Unhappy about this. Unhappy about that. Want to change this, wish I had that. And on and on and on. I hate feeling this way. I want so desperately to feel satisfied, content, successful. And I don't know how.

I sit in front of my computer screen with absolutely nothing to write. I don't know where to begin or how to impart anything that might be meaningful to someone else. Who in their right mind would want to read a book that I wrote? I can't even formulate a plot beyond a 10 page story about a boy, a girl, and a tire swing, let alone an entire book filled with dialogue and setting.

And now I have a desk job - the very fate that my dad always warned me about. I don't want to be glued to my computer screen all day. I want to be actually DOING something. I want to go see things - I want to be somewhere. And I don't know how to remedy the situation. That's probably the worst part.

Aaannnnnddd pity party over. Happy Hump Day y'all!
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6 comments

  1. I feel this same way about photography. I really want to start my own business as a wedding and portrait photographer but every time I see other pro-photog's work, I get discouraged. I'm slowly starting to realize it's not about competing with them. It's about finding my unique point of view as a photog and offering that to the world. I think the same goes with writing. There will always be other talented writers out there but it's not a matter of you comparing or competing with them. It's a matter of you finding what it is that makes you unique as a writer and offering that up to the world. You can do it!! :)

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  2. WELL...I would read your book and so would the rest of the world. I think you need some inspiration. Something new and exciting? Come visit your little, I can give you PLENTY to write about! :)

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  3. I love reading your blog and think you are waaayyy more talented in this area than i could ever be. Your creativity is something that i totally admire about you. I however think you are SUPER talented in photography and that could be a career that would take you places and let you do things besides sitting at a desk. I would totally buy your book though or anything else you create. Just saying:)

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  4. i think that if you love writing, you should go for it either way. don't measure your own success by the success of others ;)

    xox dana
    thewonderforest.com

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  5. It's not about competition or drive it's all about what you're passionate about in life. If you find that and write from your emotions and heart the imagination will follow. Don't write for the people who will read your book or for who will publish it. Write what YOU want and enjoy it. I know you love to read so let that flow into your writing. Just write something you would enjoy reading. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks. Just go for it! I know it will be wonderful:)

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  6. Well, if it's worth anything, I think you are a great writer! I struggle with writing... STRUUUUUUGGGLEEEEE! It comes so easily to my husband, and he can whip up something that's smart, witty, and thought provoking all at the same time! Drives me nuts because he doesn't even have to try. Even if I COULD ever write like him... it would take me DAYS to come up with just ONE of his little paragraphs. *FRUSTRATING*
    It is so easy in blogland to compare to everyone else... it's an encouraging community, but at the same time can leave you feeling down. I am constantly comparing myself to others, which doesn't make me any better at what I do!
    Anyways... I enjoyed your little rant, believe it or not... it's good when people are honest on their blogs. You aren't alone in how you feel! (Unfortunately...)

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