Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Two things in this life...

Two things in this life make me suicidal, and I say that in all seriousness. The first (and slightly less awful) of the two is poor use of grammar/punctuation. I literally want to break my computer screen and use the shards of glass to slit my wrists if I spend too much time reading Facebook statuses. The blatant disregard for correct period, comma, and apostrophe use is too much for me to deal with.
Not to mention the seemingly flagrant refusal of so many to master the different forms of "your" and "you're," or "to," "two," and "too." 

I could go on forever. I know it's Facebook and not an English quiz, but I don't understand how some people just don't get it. Not even a little.

The second thing that makes me want to jump off a cliff is Twilight. I probably just lost 50 followers. I know. It's an epidemic. I think that's the worst part of it.

The Feef and I spent the evening at his sister's house on Saturday night. She happens to be an avid Twilight fan. And I say "fan" loosely because she's really scarily obsessed with it...like goes to the theater on premier night wearing vampire contact lenses obsessed. She also reads my blog. Hi Gena.
Proof.
Anyway, on Saturday night while the food was being cooked, Gena asked me if I wanted to watch Twilight later. I politely declined and let her know that I'd already made plans to go hang myself. 

But once we ate dinner and played a remarkably intense game of UNO ATTACK, I was forced to chose between watching Napoleon Dynamite with the men and the kids, or watching the 3rd Twilight (Eclipse? New Moon?) with the women. 

I chose the latter for the sake of bonding, and after pouring myself a hefty glass of wine, settled in for a couple hours of ocular torture. I held back my scoffs and snorts and swallowed Kristen Stewart's lackluster acting (if she bites her lip ONE MORE TIME...). I stomached Robert Pattinson's stony, vacant interpretation of a vampire. I even forgot how angry it makes me to know that such poor quality writing can make a talentless hack millions of dollars. But only because of the movie's one redeeming quality - Taylor Lautner without a shirt. 

I've seen the three movies so far - I'm not denying that. But I hate that Bella literally cannot function without Edward. That's not love. That's ridiculous. The fact that Bella's life is in a constant state of "who's going to want to kill me next" is annoying.  And as far as the books are concerned, just because Meyer book-ends every thought with ostentatious adjectives (like what I did there?) does not mean her writing is of any quality. Not to mention her complete lack of REAL character development. Oh, is Edward good looking? I didn't pick up on that. No wonder he doesn't have a personality. Now, I haven't read all the books, just chapters and fragments here and there. But seriously, this is who kids (and adults...) are looking up to as a literary idol? 

This rant has nothing to do with the fact that I'm team Harry Potter...nothing at all.

Even though I hate Twilight, I agree with the fanatics about one thing - Jacob is hot.

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11 comments

  1. Hahaha!! I LOVE IT!! I appreciate the fact that you are willing to torture yourself for the sake of bonding;) You must really love us! Go TEAM EDWARD!!!

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  2. LOVE it. I feel the exact. same. way. I joined the bandwagon in high school and read all the books, but I can still say that they are terrible. Her books are a sad excuse for pieces of literature.
    My favorite crack at the books so far is a picture I saw on Pinterest that compared Ginny and Bella.. Harry leaves Ginny and she continues to fight the Dark Lord, but when Edward leaves Bella she sleeps for months and practically tries to kill herself.

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  3. this post completely cracked me up - I am definitely Team HP but I did read the Twilight books [which were much better than the movies]. I agree with the lackluster acting skills, wine is definitely needed to survive!

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  4. hahaha! Some people love it and some people hate it. There's not really a middle ground. So funny. :) I am the same way with grammer! Drives me crazy. Not that mine is anywhere near perfect. But I TRY to remember the "there's" "there" Their" They're" etc.

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  5. Eeekk I hate when people don't use the correct grammer/punctation. drives me crazy!

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  6. I am the same way! Although, i tend to spell things wrong sometimes. Usually, when i am in a rush but, it does drive me nuts! It's even worse when you see it on flyers and things!

    In our sea of love

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  7. Taylor Lautner... probably the only reason I watched Twilight too. Ok, now I just feel like an old cradle robbing cougar. Team Jacob! haha.
    xox dana
    thewonderforest.com

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  8. I know twilight is over rated, but I have to admit, you know how some people love reality TV? twilight is my guilty pleasure! If you read the book, you would understand!

    great blog <3

    Lots of Love,
    Simplycamylla.blogspot.com

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  9. I'm glad I finally found someone who agrees that her writing is rubbish! Not to mention she pretty much just ripped off every love story ever made and made it into vampires and wolves (which obvi happens all the time but the fact that everyone talks about how original and imaginative she is is so annoying). It broke my heart when I saw "Twilight" editions of classics like Pride & Prejudice and Wuthering Heights at Barnes and Noble.

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  10. This is awesome. I'm following your blog now JUST BECAUSE you hate Twilight as much as I do.

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  11. Ah could not agree more. When I tried to read the first book I felt as though I'd been demoted to a 4th grade reading level and limited to simple semtence structures. Bella defines desperate and annoying.

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