Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Life of Late


I haven't been sleeping well. Feeling restless is one of my least favorite things, and my brain's inability to stop fretting over the unknown at night is becoming unbearably frustrating.

Sometimes I think about my day. I replay scenarios a million different ways even though it's not fruitful labor. Often I plan my week - conversations I ought to have, things I ought to do, decisions I ought to make.  My best laid plans come together between midnight and 2 AM and are never acted out in any reality outside of my bed.  Partly because I forget those fleeting thoughts so easily, but mostly because I'm afraid.

Most of the time I question my feelings - my instincts, intuition, and emotions.  I wonder what I could be doing differently. I wonder what I'll be doing differently in 5 years. I have not changed all that much these past 5.

It must be easier to confront things in the still darkness of my bedroom.  Maybe my brain waits until night-time on purpose.
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2 comments

  1. I know this feeling. Lately I've been the same way - stomach in knots over .. what, I cannot pinpoint, but the stress is overwhelming.

    I love that last note - the Foer quote.

    I wish it were easier to stop thinking sometimes.

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  2. Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek First the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and All these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt. 6:31-34

    Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matt. 10:29-31

    Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

    Just some words to encourage you. <3

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