Thursday, October 22, 2009

Things I Do Not Understand

1. People with 24524523 stuffed animals in the back window of their car.  Seriously.  WHY?  Like at any moment while driving you will suddenly have the urge to cuddle with a sun-faded tweety bird?  And I promise, that sideways scooby doo is NOT going to scare off any car-jackers.  Is there some sort of magnet in certain peoples' cars that just attracts 25 cent vending machine stuffed animals and forces them to congregate in the back window?  Whenever I get behind one of these treasures of the open road, I can't help but stare and try to imagine where each stuffed animal came from.  There should be a special A&E spin off of the show "Hoarders".  It would be called, "Hoarders: Ford Taurus edition".  Or even MTV could do a documentary, "True Life: My rear view mirror is useless because I have too many worthless plush toys in my window".

2. Why everything in the world is touchscreen now.  Yeah, I get that touchscreen was the best thing since sliced bread when it first came out, but now its kind of annoying.  EVERYTHING is becoming touch screen.  Phones.  Automated ticketing things.  Those Blockbuster movie rental kiosks in Publix.  The credit card swipey signature things.  Everything! Like seriously America, are we too good to push buttons now?

3. One way streets. Honestly? Because driving on campus isn't stressful enough with all the pedestrian dogdging...

4. Genetics. Why is that girl naturally skinny and I'm not?

and a myriad of other things but my head hurts now.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

There is a reason

 not everyone is a novelist.

That is really all I have to say.  I have been struggling to churn out my latest short story.  And I have come to the realization that good writing is hard to create and that there is definitely a reason why not everyone is a successful novelist.  I mean, excluding celebrities who are allowed to publish books based solely on the fact that they are famous and not that they have any literary merit (e.g. Lauren Conrad).

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sewing a Pattern

I recently bought a sewing machine so that I could make myself a halloween costume.  It inspired me to make something else, so I went to Joann Fabrics and picked out a pattern.  I bought the fabric I wanted and everything and went home ready to whip this thing up. HA!

Patterns are not easy, especially if you are easily frustrated.

I meticulously cut out all of the peices (TWICE, because my garment is reversible).  Then I flipped over the page to the step by step instructions.  That's when my head exploded.  I called it a night.  So yesterday I went back to it with motivation to finish.  The package misleadingly says "sewing time: 2 hours."  WHAT A BUNCH OF HULLABALLOO! Took me all freaking day to make this.  And then I had to rip the seam of one of my sleeves because I stiched it inside out. My needle broke once and a couple of times I forgot to put the guide foot down so things went a little haywire.  I was ready to take a hammer to the damn machine.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Is it Christmas yet??

Christmas; a modified Villanelle

Christmas means red and green,
the scuffling of tiny feet on hardwood floors
and shiny ornaments that reflect the light
from the blinking bulbs on the Christmas tree,

and sugar sprinkles melting on cookies
next to the glass of milk that waits for Santa,
and listening for the sounds of reindeer hooves all night.
Christmas means red and green,

 and sitting on the couch warm and toasty
in front of the fire that burns hot
on frost nipped fingers and wiggling toes
while the light bulbs twinkle on the Christmas tree,

and hidden presents and popcorn strings
and dreaming about everything Santa might bring
While Sinatra sings, “…merry and bright…”
Christmas means red and green,

snow on the windowpanes melting
and steaming hot chocolate with marshmallows as white
as Santa’s beard and wide smile,
and the blinking bulbs on the Christmas tree,

and waking up to the smell of turkey
on the type of morning when the cold feels right.
Because Christmas means red and green
and light bulbs blinking on the Christmas tree.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Is it hot in here?

No, I didn't forget about you...because I know you were all worried that you'd read your last post!

I bring you...Some Things I Love About Tally (a very condensed list)
  • I love that Tally doesn’t acknowledge the seasons.  When the rest of the country is enjoying the deep reds and fiery oranges of the changing leaves, here in Tallahassee we are going to the pool and hosting slip’n’slides in our yards.  I love those first few days of “winter”, when it drops below 60 in the mornings and by noon all of the chill has left the air.
  • I love that FSU is the ONLY team. Sorry, FAMU.  You don't count.  Even though you are doing WAY better than we are this season.  I mean, except for the few ignorant Miami fans that migrated north to escape the illegal immigrants, and minus the scattered Gator fans that are so stupid that they got lost, set up shop in Tally, and didn’t realize they weren’t in the Swamp until it was too late, Florida State is the only team that matters.  Of course there are the people that claim that they don’t care about football.  They are liars and so called "non conformists" so they don't really matter either.
  • I love the slow, southern speech and the fact that most of my professors would rather be reading Faulkner and sipping mint juleps than teaching me about literature.
  • I love that by driving a mere 15 minutes I can go from the crazy campus ragefest to my quiet suburban bliss (when my neighbors aren’t making my life hell, that is).  And you know what? I love that my 80 year old neighbor thinks that she has mail so important that she berates us about not blocking the mailbox.  And I love that my other neighbors are socially awkward and rude.  And I also love that my newest neighbors in the house behind me enjoy honking their horns in the middle of the night and rolling up with Lil Wayne or 50 Cent blasting through the speakers in their trunk.  I think they might have speakers in their 75 inch rims, too.  Whooaaaaa did the mood of this post suddenly change?
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